List of Signs That Your Man is From the Future
✭He goes by ‘Higgs Boson ’
✭He wears a torso-bracelet
✭He pays for dinner with an intense stare
✭You’ve never met his mother because she’s “on another planet”
✭He refers to dirt as “nitrogen sod”
✭His favorite move in the bedroom is to harvest a sustainable protein source from the pillows
✭He makes love like a goddamn hero
✭Whenever you talk about having kids he just shrugs and says “just more food for the Zortigons”
✭When he first saw you reading a book he asked you what you were doing
✭Whenever he takes out the trash he comes back saying “it’s so fun to be able to just throw things away”
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DYING.
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